The Fushigi Yuugi Spoof
by Kaine
Summary: Bestfriends Kamui and Kotori are in the last year of junior highschool and are about to take the Highschool exam in few weeks time, but a magical book that brings them to ancient China will change their lives forever.(I did a major facelift)
1. Default Chapter

Author's notes: Ok, so I don't exactly remember how FY started, and Kotori soooo OOC and I think Kamui is as well. But it's *much* better that before. Right? Tell me what you think…  
  
1  
  
2 Chapter 1: Demon  
  
Bestfriends Kamui and Kotori are in the last year of junior highschool and are about to take the Highschool exam in few weeks time, but a magical book that brings them to ancient China will change their lives forever. *I had to stick to the storyline somehow*  
  
"Uhhh…Kamui isn't that too much for you?" Kotori stared at Kamui with wide open golden eyes. "Waapphhh??" He answered with his mouth stuffed with food and he was still chewing on something else. "Kotori-chan how come he never gains weight?" a friend of them curiously asked."He's like a bottomless pit!" another commented. Kamui swallowed his food and looked at the three girls."You this all but an effect of depression upon my mother's death and… lack of lovelife." He answered. "Or…it could be glutton…"  
  
Kotori added with her finger pointing to the three plates Kamui had finished. "Ok, maybe.But that's *not* the point!" Kamui tried to change the subject. "Yes it is,that's what we were talking about the whole time Kamui- kun…" she said gently. "No it's not!"  
  
Kamui said trying to defend himself from what he would expect to be teases. "Just shut up and eat so that you can come with me in the library." She answered flatly, making Kamui embarrassed.  
  
After they have eaten they went to the national library. "Ok, you wait here Kamui-chan .I'll get the appropriate books to feed knowledge to your feeble mind." Kotori said as he pranced gracefully the library corridors. "Did Kotori say I was stupid???" Kamui mumbled."That wasn't very nice."he thought. Suddenly he felt his stomach grumble.He was hungry again."Well good thing there's a vending machine right here." He walked towards the vending machine and just as he was about to put the coin it soooo just slipped out of his hand.When he was about to pick it up he saw a bright,red bird the flew just above him. "Hey Kotori! I just saw a bright red bird flying!" he said anxiously. "My, yes Kamui. If you haven't noticed, most birds can fly." She matter-of-factly."No! I mean it flew above me!" he answered. "Oh,and have I told you that birds fly *in* the air?" she added. "No! I mean that the bird was huge and it flew above me! It was inside the library." He made appropriate gestures with his whole body. "Ok, so that's different.Where did it go?" she asked nicely. "I think it went upstairs."he pointed out.  
  
They hurriedly went up the stairs and found an open room saying "Do not enter". But we all know they did enter. They looked around the dirty place.  
  
"This must be where they keep the old books that they don't need anymore." Kamui commented as he looked around. "Well, duh Kamui, we've been here for ten minutes and you just noticed that now?" Kotori answered sarcastically. "Sometimes I wish Fuuma did kill you." He mumbled. "What?" she asked. "Oh…nothing." He smiled nervously. Then, Kamui picked up an old book that naturally triggered his curiosity. "Hey Kotori, since you're so smart read this." He thought that since it was written in Chinese there was no way Kotori could read it. "Hmmm…let me see…it says Book of the Four Gods." She answered proudly. "You're making that up aren't you?" he said with a suspicious look in his eyes. "No. I'm not!" she shouted back. "Ok,then read the whole book then." He challenged with a smiled. "Ok then." Kotori sounded more than happy to accept the offer. "If I do,you'll give the N sync plushie you always sleep with." She smiled deviously."Uhhh….no I don't sleep with it every night! Just at least twice a week…" he said with an unsure smile."Ok, then let me start." she said as she picked up the book.  
  
"This is the book of the Four Gods whomever starts to read and finishes it will also be given three wishes like that of the protagonist him or herself."She read. "Are you sure you're not making that up?" Kamui interfered. "I told you!I'm not!" She scolded.  
  
"Well anyway that's weird, this sounds so cliché!" Kotori commented as she threw the book.And stood up. Suddenly the earth or at least the floor beneath them began to shake. "Waiii!!!!!! Kamui-chan, earthquake!" Kotori quickly jumped to folding her arms so tight around him he couldn't breathe."Kotori…air…I…need…" Before he could finish the sentence the so called earthquake stopped and they were taken in by a red blinding light when they opened their eyes they found they were in a dessert. Or what looked like a dessert at least. "Where are we?!" Kotori asked with her face obviously filled with worry and panic. "Kotori…WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Kamui was in a bigger panic,he started running around the place until finally hit his head. "*sweatdrops* Kamui-chan calm down! There must be a logical explanation for all of this…" she smiled. "This could be what they call…shared dreams…" She added. "Let me pinch you ok?" "uuhhh….ok." he agreed. But Kotori punched him instead. "Why the hell did you do that?!" he staggered to his feet.  
  
"Just to make sure,did it hurt?"  
  
"Yes it F*cking hurt bitch!"  
  
"Sorry, guess it's not a dream then."  
  
  
  
"HUH?!"  
  
Strong hands suddenly scooped Kotori from the ground. "hehehehe….this girl would fetch a hefty price!" Two men with large bodies said in chorus "Let her go!" Kamui ran towards the two men and pushed the other one down. "Why you!" the man with Kotori in his arms was about to attack him when suddenly-----  
  
"That's not fair,two large men against two kids…why don't you fight a real man?" A handsome tall figure was watching the whole time.He jumped down and took both of them down in a matter of seconds in that duration of time a character on his head that translates "demon" was shining in a bright red light. He carried Kotori and put her beside Kamui. "That got me pretty tired. So where's your money? Can you give me some?" he asked in a cheerful smile that made his emerald eyes shimmer and his dark black silky hair made him ohh….so somewhat …hot. "We don't have money." They answered at the same time. The handsome man frowned and stood up and began to walk away." If you don't have money I'm not interested." he added. "Wait I have something to ask you!" Kotori ran after the man and suddenly was enveloped by the same light that took them there, and she disappeared. "Kotori? Where'd she go? Wait, that guy he must have…Oh no! Kotori I'll save you!!!!" he ran after the young man that saved them. "uuhhhh…" Kotori woke up and found herself back in the library.  
  
  
  
"Oh No! I left Kamui-chan there!" she shouted as she cupped her own pale face. 


	2. Chapter 2

Author's notes: I think I screwed up somewhere here. What can I say? As usual lot's of OOC. But it's change from all that destiny =BLAH= thingies from the manga,especially now that Sei-san is dead *sobs*. It's good to have a little light-hearted stuff in X for a while even if it's only a fic.  
  
Chapter 2: Unexpected Meeting  
  
Kotori stood up and straightened her clothing. "Oh…poor Kamui…all alone in that terrible place." She looked down and picked up the book. "I wonder if you got us into all this mess…" She opened the book once again and flipped through the pages. "Ugh..and what terrible illustrations. And what's this? The maiden of Suzaku? Ancient China??No way!" She continued to read the book. "Aha! So you did bring me and Kamui-chan there!"  
  
She happily concluded.(Don't know why she's so happy though ^_^;)And proceeded to her reading.  
  
  
  
"This sucks." Kamui was riding on an old Chinese-style horse carriage carrying bundles of hay and some of them were getting on his face.A few minutes later he was sneezing. And the heat was getting to him, he was sweating like a pig. Two hours seemed like an eternity, but finally the carriage stopped. Kamui hopped down fast and ran as fast as he could in the city. The people he bumped were cursing him and the others stared because of his "weird" outfit. He searched and asked the city folk if they have either Kotori or the man that he had supposed taken her. He tried to give the appropriate descriptions but nobody had claimed to see someone like that. The sun was about to set but there was no trace of neither Kotori or the man. He had almost ran out energy and was really hungry, so he walked to the market place and passed by a stall selling noodles. "Ummm….sir…" Kamui poked the fat man who was talking to a skinny man with beady little eyes . "What?!" The fat man turned around and shouted right in his face. His breath smelled like an old sewer, and it made Kamui turn white. "I'd like Takoyaki if you have them…" Kamui smiled faintly. "Sorry kid but if you're looking for the cheapest, all I have is clear soup." he offered a *very* small bowl containing *some* soup.  
  
"I'll take that then." He answered as he hesitantly reached up for the bowl."Then take it!"The fat man forced it to his hands causing some of the soup to spill onto Kamui. "Jerk…" Kamui whispered. In a few minutes Kamui had already finished 5 bowls. "Well,I'm full…here." Kamui gave the man the remaining three hundred yen he had inside his pocket. "I'll be leaving now!" he was about to leave when the fat man shouted at him. "You little rat! What kind of money is this?!" The fat man brought out his butcher knife. "I'm gonna chop your hands off!" he declared to the spectators."Waaaa!!!! W-Why? That was genuine Japanese money!" he insisted."What the hell is Japan?!" the fat man was about to strike him when a young man came in front of him. "Nevermind Cheng, he's my younger brother!" The man exclaimed. "What?!" Cheng asked in an unbelieving tone. The young man put his arm around the larger man. "You see he's got this mental illness…he's got an…ummm….overactive imagination." He whispered in his ear."You know…he suddenly makes up countries and stuff…don't worry I'll pay you tommorow."he added. "You make sure of that Weng." Cheng looked at him coldly. "Sure." The young man answered readily with a smile .  
  
"Ok! Show's over people!"The man grabbed Kamui out of the crowd and left the market. "Hey! You're that guy! The guy who ---the guy who kidnapped Kotori!" Kamui stopped and tried to loosen the man's hold, but he couldn't. The older man looked at Kamui with a perplexed face. "Where have you taken Kotori?!" Kamui asked angrily. "Huh? You mean the pretty girl with blonde hair?" the man asked.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Yeah! What have you done to her?!"  
  
"Sorry but she's not with me."  
  
"W-what?!"  
  
There was a dead silence.And nobody spoke for a while.  
  
"You pervert!" Kamui tried to launch a punch on the man. "I know why she isn't with you! You used her first then you sold her to more perverts like you!" Kamui clenched his teeth and fists and began to gather energy through his hands *insert X –TV series battle background music* Unfortunately and shocking as well, not even a measly power blast occurred "WHAT THE HELL?!" Kamui couldn't believe it and began to cry like a 12 year old kid. "*sweatdrops*What are you talking about? I haven't even seen her after I saved you guys. The least you can do is be nice!" the man scolded. "W-what?" Kamui blinked. "If you want I can even help you find her but you'll have to help me too." He added. "Uhh…sure." Kamui said in an unsure tone. "What's your name anyway?" the man asked like he was talking to a lost little boy.  
  
"Kamui…It's Kamui Shirou.How 'bout you?"  
  
"It's Weng, but friends call me Subaru, and Suba-san is what my siblings call me."  
  
"Suba-san? That's a weird nickname… "  
  
"By the way, you should stop crying." Subaru reached out his handkerchief. "S-sorry." Kamui apologized as he wiped the tears from his violet eyes." Kotori…so I what way can I help you?" Kamui asked awkwardly.  
  
  
  
". . ."Kotori sighed. "Waaaaiii!!!!! Kamui-chan is so lucky!" she squealed. "But still…this book sounds more like a romance novel, that'd be weird…" She said as she curiously looked at the whole book and flipped the pages. Still---still! Staring at the illustrations. "I really wish they hired a better artist though...it's boring!" she pouted. "Hmmm….that Subaru guy…looks…well ok he looks so darn cute! Can't deny that…" 


	3. Chapter 3

Author's notes: I think I screwed up somewhere here. What can I say? As usual lot's of OOC. But it's change from all that destiny =BLAH= thingies from the manga,especially now that Sei-san is dead *sobs*. It's good to have a little light-hearted stuff in X for a while even if it's only a fic.  
  
Chapter 2: Unexpected Meeting  
  
Kotori stood up and straightened her clothing. "Oh…poor Kamui…all alone in that terrible place." She looked down and picked up the book. "I wonder if you got us into all this mess…" She opened the book once again and flipped through the pages. "Ugh..and what terrible illustrations. And what's this? The maiden of Suzaku? Ancient China??No way!" She continued to read the book. "Aha! So you did bring me and Kamui-chan there!"  
  
She happily concluded.(Don't know why she's so happy though ^_^;)And proceeded to her reading.  
  
  
  
"This sucks." Kamui was riding on an old Chinese-style horse carriage carrying bundles of hay and some of them were getting on his face.A few minutes later he was sneezing. And the heat was getting to him, he was sweating like a pig. Two hours seemed like an eternity, but finally the carriage stopped. Kamui hopped down fast and ran as fast as he could in the city. The people he bumped were cursing him and the others stared because of his "weird" outfit. He searched and asked the city folk if they have seen either Kotori or the man that he had supposed taken her. He tried to give the appropriate descriptions but nobody had claimed to see someone like that. The sun was about to set but there was no trace of neither Kotori or the man. He had almost ran out energy and was really hungry, so he walked to the market place and passed by a stall selling noodles. "Ummm….sir…" Kamui poked the fat man who was talking to a skinny man with beady little eyes . "What?!" The fat man turned around and shouted right in his face. His breath smelled like an old sewer, and it made Kamui turn white. "I'd like Takoyaki if you have them…" Kamui smiled faintly. "Sorry kid but if you're looking for the cheapest, all I have is clear soup." he offered a *very* small bowl containing *some* soup.  
  
"I'll take that then." He answered as he hesitantly reached up for the bowl."Then take it!"The fat man forced it to his hands causing some of the soup to spill onto Kamui. "Jerk…" Kamui whispered. In a few minutes Kamui had already finished 5 bowls. "Well,I'm full…here." Kamui gave the man the remaining three hundred yen he had inside his pocket. "I'll be leaving now!" he was about to leave when the fat man shouted at him. "You little rat! What kind of money is this?!" The fat man brought out his butcher knife. "I'm gonna chop your hands off!" he declared to the spectators."Waaaa!!!! W-Why? That was genuine Japanese money!" he insisted."What the hell is Japan?!" the fat man was about to strike him when a young man came in front of him. "Nevermind Cheng, he's my younger brother!" The man exclaimed. "What?!" Cheng asked in an unbelieving tone. The young man put his arm around the larger man. "You see he's got this mental illness…he's got an…ummm….overactive imagination." He whispered in his ear."You know…he suddenly makes up countries and stuff…don't worry I'll pay you tommorow."he added. "You make sure of that Weng." Cheng looked at him coldly. "Sure." The young man answered readily with a smile .  
  
"Ok! Show's over people!"The man grabbed Kamui out of the crowd and left the market. "Hey! You're that guy! The guy who ---the guy who kidnapped Kotori!" Kamui stopped and tried to loosen the man's hold, but he couldn't. The older man looked at Kamui with a perplexed face. "Where have you taken Kotori?!" Kamui asked angrily. "Huh? You mean the pretty girl with blonde hair?" the man asked.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Yeah! What have you done to her?!"  
  
"Sorry but she's not with me."  
  
"W-what?!"  
  
There was a dead silence.And nobody spoke for a while.  
  
"You pervert!" Kamui tried to launch a punch on the man. "I know why she isn't with you! You used her first then you sold her to more perverts like you!" Kamui clenched his teeth and fists and began to gather energy through his hands *insert X –TV series battle background music* Unfortunately and shocking as well, not even a measly power blast occurred "WHAT THE HELL?!" Kamui couldn't believe it and began to cry like a 12 year old kid. "*sweatdrops*What are you talking about? I haven't even seen her after I saved you guys. The least you can do is be nice!" the man scolded. "W-what?" Kamui blinked. "If you want I can even help you find her but you'll have to help me too." He added. "Uhh…sure." Kamui said in an unsure tone. "What's your name anyway?" the man asked like he was talking to a lost little boy.  
  
"Kamui…It's Kamui Shirou.How 'bout you?"  
  
"It's Weng, but friends call me Subaru, and Suba-san is what my siblings call me."  
  
"Suba-san? That's a weird nickname… "  
  
"By the way, you should stop crying." Subaru reached out his handkerchief. "S-sorry." Kamui apologized as he wiped the tears from his violet eyes." Kotori…so I what way can I help you?" Kamui asked awkwardly.  
  
  
  
". . ."Kotori sighed. "Waaaaiii!!!!! Kamui-chan is so lucky!" she squealed. "But still…this book sounds more like a romance novel, that'd be weird…" She said as she curiously looked at the whole book and flipped the pages. Still---still! Staring at the illustrations. "I really wish they hired a better artist though...it's boring!" she pouted. "Hmmm….that Subaru guy…looks…well ok he looks so darn cute! Can't deny that…" 


End file.
